Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
