I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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