I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
