this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
