Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize