Someone shit on the floor
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
