he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
