belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
