Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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