i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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