my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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