i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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