I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
