Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
