with your own penis?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
