did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
