there's paper in my vomit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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