yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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