You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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