So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
