I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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