I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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