The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
