so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
