you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
