please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
