why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
