Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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