you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
