wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
