I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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