I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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