Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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