Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
