dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
