He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
