wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
