I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
