summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
