Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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