dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
