Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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