i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
