Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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