Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
