you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
