is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
