One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
