he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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