Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you had me at cake vodka
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
