so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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