so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
