You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
