Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
