I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
