So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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