I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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