I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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