foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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