and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
