Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
